What You Don’t See Behind My Smile: A Personal Story of Self-Doubt and Healing
If you're here—on this journey with me—chances are you've seen the highs.
You’ve celebrated my wins, my closings, my milestones—marriage, motherhood, and the life I’ve built.
You’ve seen the polished version on social media.
But what you don’t see is the silent battle that’s been happening behind that smile.
Since I was 13, I’ve struggled with self-doubt, anxiety, and a voice in my head that constantly whispers, “Don’t get comfortable.” That inner critic, the root of my self-sabotage patterns, has followed me through every success, every relationship, every quiet moment where I should’ve felt peace.
Living With Self-Sabotage
I got really good at running from that voice. I’d distract myself with work. I’d joke about my pain. I’d move fast enough to avoid feeling anything. But eventually, the avoidance stopped working. Even when everything looked “successful,” I was crumbling inside.
It’s a cycle that many of us are stuck in—impostor syndrome, fear of failure, perfectionism. We hide it because we think we’re supposed to be stronger. But hiding just feeds the pain.
The Turning Point: Seeking Therapy
The moment I admitted I needed help was terrifying—and liberating. In therapy, I was told something that cracked me wide open: “You’re a self-saboteur.” That truth hurt. But it also healed.
Therapy didn’t “fix” me overnight. But it gave me the tools to understand the patterns. To fight back. To learn how to replace that voice with one that says, “You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to rest. You are enough.”
Healing Is a Process, Not a Destination
I still hear the voice. I still face self-doubt. But now I fight it with mental clarity, boundaries, and self-compassion. And I know I’m not the only one on this path.
This isn’t my usual blog content. But it’s my truth. And I know someone out there needs to hear it.
Listen to the full podcast episode here →
You’re Not Alone
If you're dealing with anxiety, childhood trauma, or the constant fear of not being good enough—I see you. I’ve lived it. And I want you to know: there’s help. There’s healing. And it starts with speaking up.
You are not broken. You are not weak. You are not alone.
Let’s Be Part of the Solution
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. If someone opens up to you, don’t just say “it’ll be okay.” Sit with them. Be there. Let them know they’re not alone.
This has been my most personal story. If it resonated with you, leave a comment. Let me know how you're doing. Let’s hold space for each other in a world that’s already hard enough.
